A friend of mine shared a quote in cyberspace saying that intelligence is the best aphrodisiac. I wanted to respond, saying that I disagreed and that to me it’s probably authenticity, sensitivity, creativity, more or less in that order. Then I thought of blurting out that I couldn’t help noticing when someone is easy on the eye. I realised that none of these are entirely accurate.
I had a conversation along those lines with a friend of my sister’s a few years ago. He asserted that women are interested in men because of their brains. I disagreed, saying that personality comes first. He said that that was what he referred to. I said that it wasn’t quite the same; it’s more about someone’s vibe. I told him that I have felt attracted to a man from a different race and background as myself during a few brief conversations I had with him. These conversations weren’t specifically intellectually stimulating. Just being in his presence was enough to tell me that there was something expansive about him, which I liked. My sister’s friend said that he understood. It wasn’t the brain per se but the demeanour, including body language and attitude. A bit closer, yet we didn’t quite nail it.
Regardless of how hard one tries, one cannot quite capture how the force of attraction works. When one is too clear about what one wants in a partner and responds only to that, it usually leads to disillusionment. Attraction happens when we recognise the sacred flame in someone else and feel it burning inside ourselves more strongly. It is because the flame is sacred that it cannot quite be defined or boxed in. That is why we find it mesmerising and why it has the power to change us.