Movement, Injury and Emotion

The psyche interacts with the material world in a mysterious way. Studies such as these show how our religious thinking influences the shape of our social environment. The individual psyche also has a relationship with the body. I find that physical distress is often an expression of what goes on in my subconscious mind, indicating where I need healing personally. In this article I offer my reflections on my most recent physical injury (a broken ankle) and consider what I needed to learn about myself in the process of recovery.

The last few months have been a time of overhaul in my working life. Years of searching for ways to work in a meaningful way have culminated to a point where I was challenged to put my ideas into practice. The process has not been as smooth as I had hoped. Apart from the administrative side of organising a new job, one of my biggest challenges has been my vulnerability. Going on my own as a healer requires me to take a stand for what I believe in regardless of whether or not mainstream views endorse energy healing practices. In addition, sharing my writing with the world means that I have to be ready for criticism. I had decided to take the steps and was willing to face whatever would come my way, whether I felt ready for it or not.

Right when I thought I was all set, I broke my ankle while running. The accident presented new trials. The impact it had on my emotional well-being was significant. I could put mind over matter as far as the pain was concerned because I knew that it would not last for ever. But the lack of exercise was not conducive to a happy mood. I felt frustrated having very little control over my physical environment. I had to rely on other people even for simple things – something which I found difficult seeing that I value my independence.

In the run up to the start of my self-employed career as a healer and writer, I have been in constant dialogue with spiritual guidance. Through my dreams and meditations I have received the message that I had to continue taking steps but also be patient while I build up the strength that I would need to put my plans into action. Knowing the boundary between doing my best and trying too hard has been difficult. I still don’t have an answer, but I believe the injury has shown me the fears I had not taken into account.

If I interpret my injury on a symbolic level, I would say that I had wanted to move too fast without taking proper care of myself in the conditions. The accident involved cold temperatures and water, which is symbolic of the realm of emotion. Since I slipped on ice in an attempt to avoid stepping into water, I think there is a message about being willing to face unpleasant feelings. If I had opted for the discomfort of flowing water, I would have avoided the danger of frozen water. Since running is a performance driven sport, I recognise that there is an indication of fear of failure. Although I am no longer so competitive, running represents a way of controlling my mood and my body with the desired outcome of remaining positive and strong.

In my attempt to take charge of my destiny, I have been unwilling to give my weak, vulnerable self an equal say in the matter. Where that part of me has protested that I am not ready, I have pushed her aside in favour of the aspect of me that wants to take control through action. But without all the parts, action can only be so powerful before the segment that takes too much strain breaks. My excessive need for control points back to lack of confidence. Relying on others, which I had to do while my ankle was broken, strengthens trust that there will be support when I need it. I could cut myself some slack in my efforts to get ahead and practise being gentle to myself.

Most injuries heal even though it takes time. I had been impatient for the plaster to be removed, but when the time came closer, I was strangely afraid. I could not remember what it felt like to be able to walk normally and had fallen into a comfort zone within my limitations. My fear was justified: my foot was extremely weak and painful when it no longer had support. But pain is also necessary for recovery. I reflected on how easy it is to become attached to protection even when it no longer serves the healing process. The skill in re-learning how to move efficiently lies in finding the balance between embracing a healthy amount of discomfort and taking care of one’s vulnerable spots. If I had known how to do it properly I might not have broken my ankle to begin with. Hopefully, the experience has taught me the value of my support systems. Hopefully, also, I am learning how to do my best while still being kind to myself.

Ancestral Healing and the Sins of the Fathers

My journey on the path of healing started with mental illness. In my teenage years, I believed myself to be depressed because I was not as happy as I thought I was supposed to be. My energy levels were low when I tried to reduce my natural rhythms to fit into a container – something I felt I had to do in order to survive. I was told that I was genetically predisposed to mental illness and I believed it. Yet something in me could not accept that I had to live as someone with a broken brain. Whereas coping seemed to be the goal of therapy, I wanted to actually heal. At the time I thought healing meant feeling alright as a normal person, but true healing turned out to be something entirely different: owning the right to take charge of my life. In this article I will look at how ancestral patterns can be changed through energy healing as an alternative to believing in mental illness.

In my late teens and early twenties, I saw spiritualists who more or less consistently told me that I was a healer. I did not understand it, because I thought that one had to be sorted out before one could help others, and I wasn’t. Only when I learned about shamanism did I come across the concept of the initiatory crisis, which is the start of a healer’s path. Across many cultures, the healer is called through an experience of physical or mental illness. When they accept their destiny, the symptoms subside and the healer starts working with the spiritual realms to bring healing to others. My path started making sense, but still it took time to undo the ingrained notion of broken genes as an unfortunate aspect of one’s physical package. The wise teachers I had knew better than to accept a scientific framework that the average person cannot verify.

In my honours year in psychology at university, my lecturer of ecopsychology seemed to lean towards spirituality, which was surprising in the academic environment. Our prescribed text book was Ecological Intelligence by Ian McCallum. The book also touches on how closely our genes are shared with animals such as lions and primates. During one of the lectures, our lecturer did a guided meditation into the subconscious, symbolised by the ocean. The assignment was for each student to identify and change a belief that no longer served them. The principle was that beliefs are projected on the world around us, which creates our experience. Someone asked about the influence of genes, and he said that once a belief is changed in the subconscious, it is not transferred genetically. At the time I did not find the meditation effective, but from my current perspective I can see that in a way he was right. I also understand why it was not helpful at the time: the healing power of the subconscious is strongest when it is listened to rather than commandeered.

A few years later I saw another healer who works in a shamanic way. She also told me that once healing is done, the issue does not return because a change has been made in the akashic records, which can be understood as an astral plane where information about everything that has ever happened is held. I was sceptical because I found my own problems to be recurrent and consequently was wary of quick fixes. Again, I see that she was right in a way. I think the subconscious works slowly, like the ocean.  A deep-seated issue may take some time to come to the surface. When there is a lot of water, it’s best dealt with a little bit at a time, and only when a person is truly ready will conscious action be taken.. The surrounding water then has to adapt to the flow; a person cannot change one issue and expect all other aspects of their life to remain intact. But when a problem is changed, it does not need to recur unless by choice. The process of healing is, however, continuous and often disruptive.

When I learned more about practical shamanism in 2010, we did a journeying exercise to change an ancestral issue. The principle was that energy is passed on through generations. An ancestral problem may still affect us, but when it is changed on an energetic level, the trouble can leave our lives. The journey was different from the guided meditation I did in the psychology class because we looked to find the cause of the issue rather than impose our will on the subconscious. It also involved talking to the ancestors to find out what it was that had troubled them and how it could be healed. In this way we showed love to the ancestors, which was also a way of loving the broken aspect of ourselves. Where the ancestor asked for a follow up ritual as part of the healing, the action taken showed commitment to change in the present physical world. The issue I wanted to address had to do with violence, because two of my family members had died violent deaths and at the time I thought that there was a karmic connection with another family member’s service to an arms company. What I found in the journey surprised me. About three or four generations before me there was an issue with rejected love. It seemed to be far removed from the problem I had wanted to address, but nevertheless I gave love to the woman I did not know and completed the letting go ritual. Almost five years later I can see the difference it made, mostly in terms of improved relationships. The healing happened in ripples, affecting areas of my life that I did not at the time see as connected to the problem. Change also required conscious action and the more one changes something, the more there is to deal with. It may sound overwhelming, but in truth it is empowering, because unconscious influences are easier recognised and less likely to rule one’s decisions.

In 2013-2014 I did a master’s degree in classics, which basically means ancient Greek and Latin. The main focus was ancient civilisations, slavery and mythology. I did it for different reasons, most of which I thought had little to do with my healing path. But looking at the myths and history of the Mediterranean 2000 to 4000 years ago, I found many elements that I could connect with the present world reality, largely in terms of the abuse of power enabled by false semblances of authority. Strangely, the mythology that I dealt with also had direct connections with the start of my healer’s path and the ancestral issue I looked at. My dissertation focused on the myth of the Golden Age, which originated as a variant of the concept of the fall from paradise but acquired a political significance in Augustan Rome. The most meaningful concept I learned from the myth is that of legal regulation being absent in a just society. The phenomenon of a just father-figure that regulates the order to prevent societal decay produces injustice and warfare. The control of the female sexuality, which to me symbolises our connection with nature and the will to emotional freedom, goes hand in hand with exploitation of others in the construction of a hierarchical society that best serves a few patriarchs.

It is not an uncommon notion that globally we are undergoing a shift in consciousness. Many people find that the old way of doing things are no longer working. Many others feel traumatised as they need to deal with old baggage. Looking at the issues I had to deal with in my family and the problems humanity have faced for millennia, I now understand that we carry many generations of ancestral baggage in our genes, but it can be changed if we deal with it consciously and with love. It is not a natural programming out of our control that should determine who we are, but the result of conditioned fear that has become a pattern. Scientific experiments have also confirmed that acquired responses can be transferred genetically (see for instance this article). When a person in present day and age starts to experience psychological discomfort, it is an indication that they are waking up to the idea that a better reality is possible. If it feels difficult, we can know that we are not alone, because globally more healers are owning their natural capacity to restore balance and harmony. If we feel that the ocean is too much water to handle, we can change those drops around us knowing that there are others who are doing the same. If the small currents change, the large ones will follow. I could go with a new interpretation of the Biblical notion that the sins of the fathers are transferred through to the third and fourth generation, but for those who love (God), the blessings will have effect for a thousand generations.

The Gift of Limitation

Limitation is useful when properly understood and applied. I find that culturally we have a fixation with limitation, which gives rise to a value system that revolves around scarcity. While we always strive to do more, be more and have more, we feel frustrated by our limitations. Success is only considered valuable when it is difficult to achieve or available to only a few. In the process we disregard many avenues that would lead to a desired result.

When the illusion of constructed limitation falls away, the possibilities for what the world could look like are endless. It could be overwhelming, and to avoid getting lost it is often necessary to choose a path and stay on it. This also entails setting goals and bringing them to fruition. Even when working on something of personal importance, it is easy to wish for more time and energy. I often find that I want to rush ahead and see results in this instant, but limitation urges me to slow down and pay attention to what I’m doing.

Limitation provides the opportunity to experience where we are, at the time and find the magic in the moment. Through connecting all moments, it creates a road that we can reflect on before deciding where we want to go. It shows that a state of not having it all is as valuable as the feeling of accomplishment. It illuminates the courage at the bottom of the mountain as well as the exhilaration at the top.

Limitation teaches us to rely on others. On a long road, when we become tired, we can share the burden. Limitation ultimately brings each person to the realisation that where they are is the best place to make changes. The only gateway to abundance worth pursuing is within, since all other gates are barred shut anyhow.

Each person is an aperture to infinity. When love is applied to what one does, the magic takes form in the material world. Limitation brings the gift of seeing the Universe take expression through the Self.

Entering the New Year: Gifts and Action

I have ambivalent feelings towards the festive season. My primary reason for hating it is the commercial side of Christmas. Whereas Christmas presents held appeal when I was a child, working in marketing for more than five years has cured me of the need to buy things and exchange gifts for the sake of tradition. The one part I like about the festive season is that the bustling of working life comes to a halt. This gives me time to reflect and do introspection without feeling guilty for not being productive. In this post I will share some of my reflections on the turn of the year in the light of existing traditions.

This festive season has been different from former ones because I am on the brink of major life changes. Pending immigration related admin my plan is to be fully self-employed as a healer in the very near future. I used to face the year ahead of me wondering how on earth I made it through another twelve months of wasting effort not getting anywhere. I felt despair as I asked myself how I could get out of the cycle I felt so stuck in. This year I felt excited about the prospect of directing myself in future, but the part of me that feels afraid wanted to put brakes on the rolling in of the new tide. Feeling that I am about to throw myself off a cliff and hope I’ll fly is daunting, but I know that it is time to give more energy to the wheels that have been set in motion.

Although I’m not sure about the exact historical origins, I believe that most religious festivals that are still celebrated today share roots with pagan traditions. The Christmas and New Year festive season more or less coincides with the winter solstice, which marks the beginning of a new cycle. For me this is a good time to think about my goals for the next year. Since I do shamanic work, I spent  some time journeying, which to those not familiar with shamanism I would describe as a way of accessing the unconscious to work with the intelligence of the universe. A year ago I wrote about the association of trees with Christmas. I haven’t done much research about the tradition of Father Christmas, but I have read articles proposing that it originates from the use of psychedelic mushrooms (see for instance this interesting article). Seeing the symbol of Father Christmas in one of my recent meditations however got me thinking about the concept of manifestation through the shamanic upper world: that layer of the unconscious where creativity and wisdom come from. I have come to despise the tradition of over-indulgence associated with the festive season because from my perspective it serves as a justification to spend one’s entire year doing meaningless things for the sake of gaining money, which again needs to be spent to have meaning. But the concept of gifts delivered from the upper realms reminded me that the unconscious finds expression even in the Western world where we have become profoundly disconnected from the spiritual aspect of Nature. Applying the concept of gifts to New Year’s resolutions, my belief is that gifts come from Spirit, but it is what we do with it that will determine how it manifests in our reality. I journeyed to my future self a year from now to ask about practical goals I could work towards achieving. The advice was to lay strong foundations for my life work. Although it would not be easy, I would become stronger as I applied all my effort to building what I would like to see grow. Working on publishing the books I have written is a priority, as is practical shamanic healing work.

The Eagle: Symbol of Courage, Focus and
Communion with the Higher Self

I also have to look back and honour the help I have had along the way, as well as express gratitude for the gifts from Spirit that have manifested. My first novel was inspired by my knowledge of shamanism and initiated by a journey to the shamanic upper world in order to find a story that needed to be told. The eagle emerged as the primary symbol in my first book. On 1 January 2014 I drew this picture of the eagle with the intent to get my first book published. It so happens that exactly a year later, on 1 January 2015, I was offered a publishing contract. Those who would like to access other realms through fiction can watch this space…

The People Who Inspire Me

I have learned valuable things from people from all walks of life. Some of them are known to me personally, whereas others have encouraged me through their work even though I haven’t met them. Sadly in some cases it took some time before I could truly appreciate the gems around me. Here I will describe some of the inspirational people from the centre of my life to the periphery.

I grew up in apartheid South Africa for the first ten years of my life. For nineteen years after that I lived in post-apartheid South Africa. Reading this article saddened me, but it also filled me with a newfound gratitude for the domestic workers who helped to raise me. They loved me unconditionally despite the injustice of the social system they were subjected to. It took some distance from my childhood years to develop a deep admiration for them in addition to the appreciation I had always felt. As a child I could not see behind the scenes into what their lives looked like outside the environment of my family home. They found a way to shine light into the world regardless of their circumstances.

I have strong women in my family who set a good example for me. I used to take parenthood for granted because everyone else did. During my years of breaking away from home, I went through different stages of rebellion. As soon as I started full time employment, however, my attitude changed. I realised that having a business job is no joke. All of a sudden the people who expected parenthood as a given for me at any point in the future seemed crazy. I understood what a remarkable job my mother had done as a single parent of three children all born within a span of three and a half years. She looked after us for twelve days in a fortnight while building a successful career post-divorce. There is no way that I could treat one child with the amount of patience my mother showed towards us, let alone three. My grandmother had six children of whom two were disabled. She completed a master’s degree in criminology while pregnant with her fifth child. In the era that she lived in, she was expected to refrain from attending class during pregnancy. The demeaning attitude did not deter her.

I have a musician friend, Josh Prinsloo aka Fruit Vendor whom I met at work (check his blog here). We regularly shared our frustrations because both of us felt disconnected from a deeper purpose. He wanted to devote his efforts to the arts whereas I was trying to figure out a way to make healing work my job. Josh is a few years younger than me and did not have the kind of financial backup that I had at the time. While I was still making excuses for myself, he quit his job. He jumped into a career as an artist without asking permission of anyone. He recently won a music competition. I have always believed in him.

There are people who have inspired me through their work. My teacher of shamanism, Ross Heaven, had left his well paid job in the pharmaceutical industry to pursue true healing. He taught me valuable principles while encouraging me to go with my own insights. I have not met many spiritual teachers who in no way claimed to have authority over anyone else. I am grateful to him for re-affirming what I knew to be true although I was too afraid to acknowledge it.

There are also the famous writers and musicians whose work I admire but whom I have not met. Some of them have taught that the easiest way to be an artist is to go and do it. I feel daft to admit that such an obvious statement opened doors for me, yet it is surprising how the belief that I had to earn a right to do what I wanted deterred me. Those artists whose work has truly meant something to me have taught that others can be as great as they are.

None of the people who inspired me are perfect. All of them are admirable because they have given a unique gift. Inspiring people can be found anywhere, regardless of fortune or education. The challenge, I believe, is using what one has to create a life that is worthwhile. I am hoping that I could learn from these fantastic examples to also bring inspiration to others.

Producing Scarcity

In the world of western civilisation, most of our efforts seem to revolve around scarcity. The main concern is money, and while we spend all our time trying to make more of it, we lose time to enjoy the things we would like to spend money on. I read somewhere that Nelson Mandela said that poverty is man-made. I couldn’t agree more. I find it ironic that two of the world’s biggest problems are poverty and waste, because they express the polar opposites of lack on one hand and ill-used abundance on the other. I see the world we build as a reflection of ourselves. I wonder if the global waste problem would be solved if we would learn how to use what we had in the proper way. Free energy is another main concern, but I doubt that it would be discovered unless we stopped wasting our own personal energy on unimportant matters, producing the need for more.

I have never truly known scarcity, yet it took me more than a decade to let go of my conditioning around the idea that there might not be enough unless I clung to a predictable income that kept me imprisoned. The idea of scarcity can provide a safety net. It was easier for me to devote my efforts to staying alive than to put my heart on the line and risk failure. As long as I participated in a belief system that everyone else participated in, I could excuse myself for being frustrated because, as I told myself, I was doing what I had to do. It was the world that was set up in that way, not me. In that position I could take advice from well-meaning loved ones with more life experience than me rather than take a stand for what I wanted. Dealing with being told what to do was easier than facing the possibility of hearing “I told you so”. But the problem with taking advice from more experienced individuals was that they had more experience of being them, but zero experience of being me.

When the safety of scarcity falls away, the abundance of time and energy can be daunting. I am currently unemployed and writing fiction. While I was employed or studying, I would face a day ahead of me trying to be positive but knowing that I would be frustrated a lot of the time. I was caught in a cycle of looking forward to evenings, weekends and holidays, wondering why my life was flying by. Now that frustrations are limited, I have days ahead of me that I need to fill with something worthwhile. With most of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ out of the way, my choices come down to building on what is important to me or doing something else. Doing what I love is ambivalent precisely because I feel happy doing it. Negative reactions from others in response to my authentic work and beliefs are much harder to deal with than when I don’t care about what I am busy with. When I have a creative block, I realise that the fear of not having enough is just a mask for the fear of not being good enough.

Now that my resources are limited, I have to rely on others for help where I can. This is also frightening, because I would rather submit my creative writing work to professionals for editing than baring my soul to friends who could help me. If those who work in the industry don’t like my work, I could put it down to their opinions knowing that they would forget my work. The idea of people I have relationships with thinking I would be better off not trying at all is terrifying. But opening up is necessary, because I cannot do anything on my own and I would not be able to find the right support unless I am true to who I am. For all I know, a person who could help me with what I need at any given point could be sitting right next to me and I would not know it unless I am open.

Creativity is unlimited, as is love. I don’t believe that either of these could truly be destroyed, but they often go into hiding when not received with grace. More of ourselves – our creative loving source – would produce the need for sharing and solve the problem of scarcity. The difficulty lies in not letting the hurts received along the way hinder us in expressing who we are.

The Question of Passion

Passion seems to be the new buzzword in the career world. Either it is presented as the solution to problems (once you find your passion, your working experience will change) or it becomes an ideal that people strive for (you’re lucky or competent if you are passionate about your job). I’m not sure I buy the idea of passion for one’s job. I went for a job interview with a website company a while ago and was asked whether I am passionate about web. I had resolved to be as honest as possible during the interview, because I did not want to land a job where I was expected to be something that wasn’t me. With that in mind, I answered that I would not say that I’m passionate about web. If I could say I’m passionate about anything in business, it would be customer service. I did not get the job. One of the reasons provided in the feedback was my lack of passion for web.

To me true passion involves doing something for the sake of it. In a world where the concept of career more or less revolves around making money, I have trouble reconciling the idea of passion with the profit motive. From my perspective, the worlds of business and even education are imbalanced and fear-driven. Passion brings more of everything and dissolves boundaries. When people are motivated to work by their need for survival, I cannot see how passion should be the basis for that kind of exchange. When negotiating job offers of relatively low salary levels, I sometimes wish employers would be more realistic. True passion dissolves the need to have more than what is needed, which from my perspective would shatter the profit motive and change business as we know it.

Passion does not always involve strong feelings. It is unlocked when everything else falls away, the spark of life that keeps one going despite all the odds. Passion does not ask questions, it simply does. I envision it as a violet flame that keeps burning even when it appears invisible or feels out of reach when one has been knocked down by life and its disappointments. Passion does not revolve around what one does; rather, it is a way of doing things that transforms everything one comes into contact with. It does not need anything other than itself to keep going. Passion starts from the heart, burns upwards and flows downwards, connecting spiritual purpose to the shoes we walk in in this lifetime. It does not depend on any exterior form of acknowledgement, because it creates a way when one is not found. When true passion is unlocked, it ignites the same light in everything and everyone it encounters.

I don’t think anyone needs to be passionate about anything in order to be whole and happy, especially not career-wise. Passion cannot be sought or obtained. The flame of passion simply needs to be allowed to burn and applied to everything we do. In this way, I believe that every person can be guided towards the purpose they were born for. When we have fallen out of balance with what was originally natural for us, restoring the balance in how we approach things would inevitably lead us back to what we enjoy doing most.