Judgement

In modern spirituality I find that judgement is often judged. Many people have had painful experiences due to religious judgement. This is ironic because in Christianity, the religion that I grew up with, there is a principle of non-judgement.  I was taught that we shouldn’t judge, because only God has the right to judge. This however does not work well when some followers of a religion see themselves as God’s ambassadors. One of the teachings of Jesus is that it is better not to judge, because the judgement we pass on others will also be bestowed on us. My understanding of this principle is that our judgement of others is an expression of our relationship with ourselves.

The Tarot also has a card devoted to judgement: the twentieth card in the major Arcana. The

Judgement: the 20th Card in the
Major Arcana of the Tarot
(Rider-Waite)

symbolism relates to resurrection and again brings to mind the Biblical notion of the day of judgement. In a lot of decks the card features an angel with a trumpet and naked people being resurrected from their graves. Some decks (such as Rider-Waite) also feature a St George’s cross.

When I read the Tarot, I look at how the card speaks to me. There is a suggestion of the duality of heaven and earth, symbolised by the angel and the humans. Furthermore, the cross is a symbol of matter and the red colour corresponds to the root chakra, representing our connection to earth. Red is also the colour of blood, reminding of our humanity. The white background to the cross signifies the purity of spirit and the unification of all colours of light. While the earthbound existence could be dreary and heavy, as expressed through the theme of death, responding to the call of heaven (or soul) can bring new life to it. Interestingly, the resurrected people are naked, which brings to mind Adam and Eve’s harmonious co-existence with God in the Garden of Eden before the fall. Being naked means no longer hiding aspects of the self from oneself, and that includes mistakes. Through looking at oneself with honest eyes, forgiveness of the self is possible, which in turn fosters tolerance for others.

Judgement represents an opportunity for learning. While corporeal existence is by no means perfect, there are glimpses of paradise even in the mundane. Those moments where everything is in harmony remind us of the love at the core of our being. Through having a body and an ego identity, we can create ourselves through the choices we make. When we become aware of where our actions have harmed ourselves and others, we can correct our mistakes. When others have hurt us, we can show compassion towards them, understanding how they have acted out of their own pain and lack of knowledge as we often do when we hurt others. Being naked also serves as a reminder that we are all human, regardless of our social standing. The fault we find in others is a projection of the inadequacies we perceive in ourselves.

To me the final judgement ultimately means taking full responsibility for one’s actions. When one no longer looks to a moral authority outside of the self to dictate one’s behaviour, one is free to make mistakes and to learn from them. Judging others inappropriately is also a valid mistake, because no person can ever know the full truth of another person’s perception. However, in the material world where we forge our own human identities, there are experiences that we might not wish to have in relation to other people, as well as practices that we do not condone. The capacity to judge in this case is a responsibility to honour our own truth and to speak and act on it if we choose to. Taking responsibility for our own choices also involves understanding that others are responsible for theirs.

Ancestral Healing and the Sins of the Fathers

My journey on the path of healing started with mental illness. In my teenage years, I believed myself to be depressed because I was not as happy as I thought I was supposed to be. My energy levels were low when I tried to reduce my natural rhythms to fit into a container – something I felt I had to do in order to survive. I was told that I was genetically predisposed to mental illness and I believed it. Yet something in me could not accept that I had to live as someone with a broken brain. Whereas coping seemed to be the goal of therapy, I wanted to actually heal. At the time I thought healing meant feeling alright as a normal person, but true healing turned out to be something entirely different: owning the right to take charge of my life. In this article I will look at how ancestral patterns can be changed through energy healing as an alternative to believing in mental illness.

In my late teens and early twenties, I saw spiritualists who more or less consistently told me that I was a healer. I did not understand it, because I thought that one had to be sorted out before one could help others, and I wasn’t. Only when I learned about shamanism did I come across the concept of the initiatory crisis, which is the start of a healer’s path. Across many cultures, the healer is called through an experience of physical or mental illness. When they accept their destiny, the symptoms subside and the healer starts working with the spiritual realms to bring healing to others. My path started making sense, but still it took time to undo the ingrained notion of broken genes as an unfortunate aspect of one’s physical package. The wise teachers I had knew better than to accept a scientific framework that the average person cannot verify.

In my honours year in psychology at university, my lecturer of ecopsychology seemed to lean towards spirituality, which was surprising in the academic environment. Our prescribed text book was Ecological Intelligence by Ian McCallum. The book also touches on how closely our genes are shared with animals such as lions and primates. During one of the lectures, our lecturer did a guided meditation into the subconscious, symbolised by the ocean. The assignment was for each student to identify and change a belief that no longer served them. The principle was that beliefs are projected on the world around us, which creates our experience. Someone asked about the influence of genes, and he said that once a belief is changed in the subconscious, it is not transferred genetically. At the time I did not find the meditation effective, but from my current perspective I can see that in a way he was right. I also understand why it was not helpful at the time: the healing power of the subconscious is strongest when it is listened to rather than commandeered.

A few years later I saw another healer who works in a shamanic way. She also told me that once healing is done, the issue does not return because a change has been made in the akashic records, which can be understood as an astral plane where information about everything that has ever happened is held. I was sceptical because I found my own problems to be recurrent and consequently was wary of quick fixes. Again, I see that she was right in a way. I think the subconscious works slowly, like the ocean.  A deep-seated issue may take some time to come to the surface. When there is a lot of water, it’s best dealt with a little bit at a time, and only when a person is truly ready will conscious action be taken.. The surrounding water then has to adapt to the flow; a person cannot change one issue and expect all other aspects of their life to remain intact. But when a problem is changed, it does not need to recur unless by choice. The process of healing is, however, continuous and often disruptive.

When I learned more about practical shamanism in 2010, we did a journeying exercise to change an ancestral issue. The principle was that energy is passed on through generations. An ancestral problem may still affect us, but when it is changed on an energetic level, the trouble can leave our lives. The journey was different from the guided meditation I did in the psychology class because we looked to find the cause of the issue rather than impose our will on the subconscious. It also involved talking to the ancestors to find out what it was that had troubled them and how it could be healed. In this way we showed love to the ancestors, which was also a way of loving the broken aspect of ourselves. Where the ancestor asked for a follow up ritual as part of the healing, the action taken showed commitment to change in the present physical world. The issue I wanted to address had to do with violence, because two of my family members had died violent deaths and at the time I thought that there was a karmic connection with another family member’s service to an arms company. What I found in the journey surprised me. About three or four generations before me there was an issue with rejected love. It seemed to be far removed from the problem I had wanted to address, but nevertheless I gave love to the woman I did not know and completed the letting go ritual. Almost five years later I can see the difference it made, mostly in terms of improved relationships. The healing happened in ripples, affecting areas of my life that I did not at the time see as connected to the problem. Change also required conscious action and the more one changes something, the more there is to deal with. It may sound overwhelming, but in truth it is empowering, because unconscious influences are easier recognised and less likely to rule one’s decisions.

In 2013-2014 I did a master’s degree in classics, which basically means ancient Greek and Latin. The main focus was ancient civilisations, slavery and mythology. I did it for different reasons, most of which I thought had little to do with my healing path. But looking at the myths and history of the Mediterranean 2000 to 4000 years ago, I found many elements that I could connect with the present world reality, largely in terms of the abuse of power enabled by false semblances of authority. Strangely, the mythology that I dealt with also had direct connections with the start of my healer’s path and the ancestral issue I looked at. My dissertation focused on the myth of the Golden Age, which originated as a variant of the concept of the fall from paradise but acquired a political significance in Augustan Rome. The most meaningful concept I learned from the myth is that of legal regulation being absent in a just society. The phenomenon of a just father-figure that regulates the order to prevent societal decay produces injustice and warfare. The control of the female sexuality, which to me symbolises our connection with nature and the will to emotional freedom, goes hand in hand with exploitation of others in the construction of a hierarchical society that best serves a few patriarchs.

It is not an uncommon notion that globally we are undergoing a shift in consciousness. Many people find that the old way of doing things are no longer working. Many others feel traumatised as they need to deal with old baggage. Looking at the issues I had to deal with in my family and the problems humanity have faced for millennia, I now understand that we carry many generations of ancestral baggage in our genes, but it can be changed if we deal with it consciously and with love. It is not a natural programming out of our control that should determine who we are, but the result of conditioned fear that has become a pattern. Scientific experiments have also confirmed that acquired responses can be transferred genetically (see for instance this article). When a person in present day and age starts to experience psychological discomfort, it is an indication that they are waking up to the idea that a better reality is possible. If it feels difficult, we can know that we are not alone, because globally more healers are owning their natural capacity to restore balance and harmony. If we feel that the ocean is too much water to handle, we can change those drops around us knowing that there are others who are doing the same. If the small currents change, the large ones will follow. I could go with a new interpretation of the Biblical notion that the sins of the fathers are transferred through to the third and fourth generation, but for those who love (God), the blessings will have effect for a thousand generations.

Inner Child and the Sycamore Tree

A while ago I received a general circulation email from someone that I would describe as a light worker. She talked about the importance of honouring the inner child. I usually read emails from other healers/teachers with keen interest because of the helpful views that I often find. However, this time I dismissed the email thinking that I had been there, done that. At a stage when I was excited about upcoming projects but also uncertain and afraid, I felt that I could do with something that would give me courage to make it work and/or practical advice. The last thing I wanted to look at was my emotional well-being, since I believed that I had done enough of it and it was now time for action. Of course, the spirits knew better. I was given what I needed before I knew that I needed it.

As I was preparing to rest before action, some old wounds resurfaced and I found myself in the midst of emotional upheaval. Usually when this happens, I feel worse because I have not mastered the lesson from the last time I dealt with the issue. Few things can be as frustrating as going over the same emotional ground when it feels so unnecessary. My self-talk easily becomes negative and I feel out of control as far as avoiding the same experience in future goes. Burdened with my troubles and afraid that I might feel too vulnerable to put my plans into action, I sought solace under a Sycamore tree.

Tree Medicine:
One of the Oldest Forms of Therapy

A queenly figure, she folded me in her arms. Soon, the noise and busy-ness of the world faded out and I was wrapped in comfort. The gateway to the place within where I access information of the soul opened up and the tree showed me what I needed to heal. I saw people bearing crosses, the kind that one would associate with the Biblical notion of a broken world. I was then taken to an image of a place and events in my childhood. From the perspective in my journey it looked to me like my child self was completely in her own world, unaware of the pain of the grown-ups around her. The message I received was that there is indeed a lot of healing to be done. Patterns of behaviour that bring about pain are passed on from generation to generation and the person who changes it needs only heal the self. In my journey, I could see that the grown-ups around me were sad and fragmented despite their appearance of being in control. To free the child from these patterns, I had to give love and happiness to her no matter what the actions of others. The vision reminded me that people I felt had hurt me in the past had always done their best. To break cycles of pain and anger because of what loved ones could not give me, I had to be kind to myself. In that way I would be more compassionate to others and less critical of their best efforts.

The challenge has been set. Being kind to myself is harder than I expected. A friend I recently met gave me two helpful views. He said: “When you’re ready is none of your business” and “The road to recovery is best taken one day at a time”. While his situation is different from mine, I could definitely use these principles. Since I would like to move away from the need to control everything, I realise that I need to slow down the haste with which I want to make everything work. Moving out of overdrive forces me to deal with the fear that I will not bring myself so far as to do anything worthwhile unless I am hard on myself. I need to remember to bring love to what I do in each day and accept my feelings. If I am too insistent on setting goals and seeing results, I would only perpetuate the performance driven mind-set that I have set out to abandon. The resulting anxiety is best taken with a good measure of kindness and trust.

**With thanks to the Sycamore tree and the people who told me what I needed to hear.

The Widow’s Jar

I have written a previous blog entry offering my interpretation of the Greek myth of Pandora’s jar as signifying a wish for fulfilment that can never be realised. The theme of women’s jars associated with fulfilment reminded me of a Biblical story I remembered from my childhood. I decided to find and re-read the story of the widow’s jar of oil. So much of what we take for granted in the world is based on ideologies of success through having. From my perspective, striving for something more often than not produces the experience of lacking. Most of what we want and need is readily available when we ask for it. However, we also have limitations in the physical world. What follows is my personal interpretation of the story of the widow’s jar as I think it beautifully illustrates the concept of abundance.

The story (appearing in the book 2 Kings 4) is of a woman approaching the prophet Elisha because her husband is deceased and she fears the creditors will enslave her sons as repayment for debt. The widow claims to have nothing in her house except a small jar of olive oil. The prophet instructs her to ask her neighbours for empty jars and fill them with the olive oil. From her small bottle she manages to fill all the empty jars. When she has filled the last jar, the oil stops flowing. The prophet tells her to sell the oil and use her money to pay her debts. He tells her that they will be able to live on what is left.

Image from Wikimedia Commons. Author: Hans Bernhard

Where Pandora embodied the gifts of the gods and her jar is associated with the evils caused by desire, the story of the widow is about freedom of enslavement in the midst of sorrow. The woman asks for help and it is given, both by the prophet and her neighbours. She uses what she has available. As she does so, the oil keeps flowing, giving her what she needs to free herself and her boys of enslavement. To me this story communicates that when we are willing to ask for help and use our abilities, there will always be enough for our needs. Interestingly the olive has various symbolic associations with peace, again contrary to all the evils flying out of Pandora’s jar. It takes no genius to realise that if everybody adopted the approach of the widow and her neighbours in using what they have, taking only what they need and recycling what they don’t need, every person’s needs would be met. If that was the common attitude, I believe peace would be the natural outcome. No studies, policies or displays would be needed to improve the situation for all humans.

The myth of Pandora contains warnings of being consumed by what we desire. Looking at the world I cannot help being amazed at how we seem to be ruled by an ideology according to which most of our efforts should go towards having more. One aspect of it is that no matter how much one has, it is never enough. Another aspect of it is the fear of being unable to make a living; in that sense literally not having enough. Sadly I think the former produces the latter and that they are flipsides of the same coin. Personal experience of the mind-set will probably depend on where one falls on the wheel of fortune at any given point in time. Unfortunately I also think that the latter produces the former: I doubt whether abuse, greed and exploitation would have been easy if everyone devoted their efforts to what they loved doing rather than trying to survive.

Both these stories contain wisdom, asking us to look at ourselves and how we collectively create the world through our ideas and interactions with the world. The widow’s jar of abundance is no instant route to riches, but a rather bleak portrayal of God’s grace in the harshest of circumstances. A woman who is at the mercy of her circumstances finds an impossible way out of her predicament. To me, this story asks us to question our assumptions of what is possible or not in terms of survival and enslavement. More than that, however, it points the way to the true source of abundance. The widow’s oil was not something she had to obtain or fight for, but something from her own home. Perhaps the antidote to being consumed by Pandora and her jar – the riches outside of ourselves - is the realisation that what we have to begin with is enough to make it work for us.

The Symbolism of Being Naked

When I was a child, I thought it really strange to imagine that Adam and Eve were naked and not aware of it. That was only when I was old enough to remember with shame the time when I used to run around naked shamelessly. Nowadays being naked represents sexuality. Especially when women show their bodies it is usually in a context where they are objectified and lose all their dignity. The more skin that is shown, the more sexualised the body becomes. I am not proposing that everyone just takes off their clothes and start walking around naked, and yet I fail to understand how we came here.

Getting dressed is such an ingrained daily ritual that we take it for granted. It is a way of reinforcing the message to ourselves that we are different from the rest of nature. Not only are our bodies shamed, but perhaps there is no more powerful way to suppress all our natural impulses and sever our relationship to Mother Earth that gave birth to us. We are all dust and to dust we shall return, yet we choose to believe that we are the things we have created to glorify our minds. Perhaps it is not surprising that most of us seemingly have really bad relationships with our bodies.

As a child I wondered why grown-ups don’t run around. Now I know that when you are forced to sit still for long enough, it starts feeling natural. At some point in the process of growing up it becomes inappropriate to walk barefoot. Thinking back, it is more or less the same age when one loses the connection with the world of fantasy and instead develops an interest in cultural values of identity. When we don’t feel the earth underneath our soles any more, it is easier to turn our attention to “the world” and be fed ideas of what we should strive for in life.

Perhaps the dream symbolism of being naked holds the key to the truth about ourselves. I am sure all of us have dreamed countless times of being naked in public and only discovering it when it is too late. It could be interpreted as the fear of being exposed, but I think it’s more than that. I’ll turn to Hans Christian Anderson’s tale of the naked emperor for some insight.

According to this story, the charlatans who made the emperor’s clothes said that only those who were unfit or incompetent would be unable to see it. In this case, being naked represents truth and everyone is afraid to point it out for fear of being labelled stupid. The naked body is the way we came into the world and it is the truth of who we are. Yet we assume cultural identities symbolised by clothes. It becomes so normal that to deviate from it is considered insane and shameful. The subconscious mind knows the truth about who we are. It reminds us in our dreams because we are afraid to live it. If we recognise that the emperor is naked it will also mean that we are naked. When we stop giving authority and power to others, it means we have to claim responsibility for ourselves. That will mean we can no longer play along with games we know to be untrue.

I’m still wondering at Adam and Eve’s fall from grace. Relating it to the Roman myth of the Golden Age, I would say the knowledge of good and evil was abused for the purpose of self-enrichment or power. Our connection to nature was severed when we started defining ourselves in terms of our material wealth. The body became a canvas used to communicate to others where one fit into the social hierarchy. Actually we all know that the emperor is really naked but nobody wants to be the first to say so.

The way out of being entrapped by our social identities is by baring our souls. Being naked is symbolic of being vulnerable. It is the heart consciousness that knows that we are all connected, whether we remember it or not. When one is truly oneself, it is easier to become free of judgement and accept others for who they are. The spirit of love recognises that we are more than our possessions or cultural identities. All of us come into the world naked and when death comes, material accumulations mean nothing. In our short time on earth, we have to choose very carefully what we consider important enough to apply our efforts to.

A (Slightly Different) View on Manifestation

I have never really bought into the whole new age hype about manifestation. Surely if it were that simple then everyone would get what they wanted and there would be no problems, right? On the other hand I know that there is some truth to it. I cannot help noticing how often it happens that people get exactly what they asked for. Whether that makes them happy or not is a different matter. I’ll share some of my own experiences and also consider how I think manifestation can be used for real benefit.

As a child I remember going to church and reading in the Bible that we could ask for anything and it would be given. At other times I was told that God could answer in one of three possible ways: yes, no or later. In a way I think both views are curiously true in their own way. However I’m still not the master of life and neither is anyone else I know by the looks of it.

When I was about ten years old, I fervently prayed for something. I resolved to have faith that it would show up, regardless of how impossible it seemed. About ten years later it did, but by that time it was completely meaningless to me. I couldn’t help marvelling at the extraordinary way in which the “thing” eventually made its way to me. As a teenager I also had a deep wish which I prayed would come to fruition. A few years later something along those lines (which was about what I could expect seeing that my prayer was sufficiently vague) played out. Needless to say, it wasn’t half of what I expected it to be.

At some point I gave up asking for things because it felt to me that it was no use – I never got what I wanted anyway. That wasn’t entirely true. I often got what I wanted on a physical level but with the inner experience of something still missing. When I honestly didn’t get what I wanted I ended up noticing that either there was a delay or I have outgrown that which I desired. By the looks of it, my subconscious mind was a step ahead of me. It contrived in helping me get what I actually wanted: the feeling of being whole and sufficient as I was without the need of something outside myself to feel complete. When that wasn’t the case, it didn’t help much asking for something when I wasn’t open to receive it. Once you notice that you are defensive, afraid to be open to good things coming your way, you realise that you have been the one dictating your reality all along.

On a very practical level, when we work for something and it comes to fruition, that is also manifestation. There is nothing supernatural about it. When it doesn’t materialise, I believe we have the option to give up and try something more worthwhile on one hand or persevere on the other. Perhaps it’s the Universe’s way of testing our resolve and asking us to reconsider what is really important.

I don’t think manifestation can be simplified to become the easy answer to all our problems. There is still the larger context of our relationship with life and how we define ourselves. Personally I think the key is in realising that we are manifesting anyway. What we believe in gains power and dictates our reality. Knowing this, we could ask ourselves what we deem important enough to want to bring into this world.

We Are From the Earth

I read this today via a community healing page that I follow on Facebook. It connects with something my teacher of shamanism posted earlier this week suggesting that we are all made of the same organic matter and therefore not as special as we might think.

Whenever people ask me what I really want to do with my life, I just talk around it, saying I’m “more interested in the arts” or I “want to do some form of therapeutic work but not traditional psychology any more”. How can I tell them that I want to work with the earth’s energies, that I feel her vibrations talking to me on a level that is beyond the mundane? How can I tell them about this invisible world that I always perceive behind the veil, subtle and yet so powerful that it makes daily life as we know it seem completely futile? I cannot and I don’t, unless they can perceive what I see.

I was raised Christian and it made me think of a verse in the Bible in Ecclesiastes: we are all dust and to dust we shall return. I never understood this verse as a child (like many other things in the Bible) and I found it very depressing. This week everything came together beautifully. The message I get is that I shouldn’t be ashamed of being in touch with the organism that we live on. Maybe it is not so absurd after all that I feel her flowing through my veins. It is perhaps more senseless to think that she is a dead piece of matter, only useful for providing us with food and stability so we can maintain our position at the “apex of creation”.

We have lived close to nature for millennia. Being in touch with our imagination and the organism we live on was an integral part of our survival. Economy and civilisation as we know it are still very new compared to our ages old spiritual traditions. Yet they have become the gods of today – different, duller, unimaginative gods but gods nevertheless.

Maybe the writer of Ecclesiastes understood that the earth and everything on it is sacred and that the same life force flows through all of us. There is an entire Universe that is far too large for us to fathom. How unimaginably massive is that compared to our little structures of meaning.