The Gift of Limitation

Limitation is useful when properly understood and applied. I find that culturally we have a fixation with limitation, which gives rise to a value system that revolves around scarcity. While we always strive to do more, be more and have more, we feel frustrated by our limitations. Success is only considered valuable when it is difficult to achieve or available to only a few. In the process we disregard many avenues that would lead to a desired result.

When the illusion of constructed limitation falls away, the possibilities for what the world could look like are endless. It could be overwhelming, and to avoid getting lost it is often necessary to choose a path and stay on it. This also entails setting goals and bringing them to fruition. Even when working on something of personal importance, it is easy to wish for more time and energy. I often find that I want to rush ahead and see results in this instant, but limitation urges me to slow down and pay attention to what I’m doing.

Limitation provides the opportunity to experience where we are, at the time and find the magic in the moment. Through connecting all moments, it creates a road that we can reflect on before deciding where we want to go. It shows that a state of not having it all is as valuable as the feeling of accomplishment. It illuminates the courage at the bottom of the mountain as well as the exhilaration at the top.

Limitation teaches us to rely on others. On a long road, when we become tired, we can share the burden. Limitation ultimately brings each person to the realisation that where they are is the best place to make changes. The only gateway to abundance worth pursuing is within, since all other gates are barred shut anyhow.

Each person is an aperture to infinity. When love is applied to what one does, the magic takes form in the material world. Limitation brings the gift of seeing the Universe take expression through the Self.

Entering the New Year: Gifts and Action

I have ambivalent feelings towards the festive season. My primary reason for hating it is the commercial side of Christmas. Whereas Christmas presents held appeal when I was a child, working in marketing for more than five years has cured me of the need to buy things and exchange gifts for the sake of tradition. The one part I like about the festive season is that the bustling of working life comes to a halt. This gives me time to reflect and do introspection without feeling guilty for not being productive. In this post I will share some of my reflections on the turn of the year in the light of existing traditions.

This festive season has been different from former ones because I am on the brink of major life changes. Pending immigration related admin my plan is to be fully self-employed as a healer in the very near future. I used to face the year ahead of me wondering how on earth I made it through another twelve months of wasting effort not getting anywhere. I felt despair as I asked myself how I could get out of the cycle I felt so stuck in. This year I felt excited about the prospect of directing myself in future, but the part of me that feels afraid wanted to put brakes on the rolling in of the new tide. Feeling that I am about to throw myself off a cliff and hope I’ll fly is daunting, but I know that it is time to give more energy to the wheels that have been set in motion.

Although I’m not sure about the exact historical origins, I believe that most religious festivals that are still celebrated today share roots with pagan traditions. The Christmas and New Year festive season more or less coincides with the winter solstice, which marks the beginning of a new cycle. For me this is a good time to think about my goals for the next year. Since I do shamanic work, I spent  some time journeying, which to those not familiar with shamanism I would describe as a way of accessing the unconscious to work with the intelligence of the universe. A year ago I wrote about the association of trees with Christmas. I haven’t done much research about the tradition of Father Christmas, but I have read articles proposing that it originates from the use of psychedelic mushrooms (see for instance this interesting article). Seeing the symbol of Father Christmas in one of my recent meditations however got me thinking about the concept of manifestation through the shamanic upper world: that layer of the unconscious where creativity and wisdom come from. I have come to despise the tradition of over-indulgence associated with the festive season because from my perspective it serves as a justification to spend one’s entire year doing meaningless things for the sake of gaining money, which again needs to be spent to have meaning. But the concept of gifts delivered from the upper realms reminded me that the unconscious finds expression even in the Western world where we have become profoundly disconnected from the spiritual aspect of Nature. Applying the concept of gifts to New Year’s resolutions, my belief is that gifts come from Spirit, but it is what we do with it that will determine how it manifests in our reality. I journeyed to my future self a year from now to ask about practical goals I could work towards achieving. The advice was to lay strong foundations for my life work. Although it would not be easy, I would become stronger as I applied all my effort to building what I would like to see grow. Working on publishing the books I have written is a priority, as is practical shamanic healing work.

The Eagle: Symbol of Courage, Focus and
Communion with the Higher Self

I also have to look back and honour the help I have had along the way, as well as express gratitude for the gifts from Spirit that have manifested. My first novel was inspired by my knowledge of shamanism and initiated by a journey to the shamanic upper world in order to find a story that needed to be told. The eagle emerged as the primary symbol in my first book. On 1 January 2014 I drew this picture of the eagle with the intent to get my first book published. It so happens that exactly a year later, on 1 January 2015, I was offered a publishing contract. Those who would like to access other realms through fiction can watch this space…

The People Who Inspire Me

I have learned valuable things from people from all walks of life. Some of them are known to me personally, whereas others have encouraged me through their work even though I haven’t met them. Sadly in some cases it took some time before I could truly appreciate the gems around me. Here I will describe some of the inspirational people from the centre of my life to the periphery.

I grew up in apartheid South Africa for the first ten years of my life. For nineteen years after that I lived in post-apartheid South Africa. Reading this article saddened me, but it also filled me with a newfound gratitude for the domestic workers who helped to raise me. They loved me unconditionally despite the injustice of the social system they were subjected to. It took some distance from my childhood years to develop a deep admiration for them in addition to the appreciation I had always felt. As a child I could not see behind the scenes into what their lives looked like outside the environment of my family home. They found a way to shine light into the world regardless of their circumstances.

I have strong women in my family who set a good example for me. I used to take parenthood for granted because everyone else did. During my years of breaking away from home, I went through different stages of rebellion. As soon as I started full time employment, however, my attitude changed. I realised that having a business job is no joke. All of a sudden the people who expected parenthood as a given for me at any point in the future seemed crazy. I understood what a remarkable job my mother had done as a single parent of three children all born within a span of three and a half years. She looked after us for twelve days in a fortnight while building a successful career post-divorce. There is no way that I could treat one child with the amount of patience my mother showed towards us, let alone three. My grandmother had six children of whom two were disabled. She completed a master’s degree in criminology while pregnant with her fifth child. In the era that she lived in, she was expected to refrain from attending class during pregnancy. The demeaning attitude did not deter her.

I have a musician friend, Josh Prinsloo aka Fruit Vendor whom I met at work (check his blog here). We regularly shared our frustrations because both of us felt disconnected from a deeper purpose. He wanted to devote his efforts to the arts whereas I was trying to figure out a way to make healing work my job. Josh is a few years younger than me and did not have the kind of financial backup that I had at the time. While I was still making excuses for myself, he quit his job. He jumped into a career as an artist without asking permission of anyone. He recently won a music competition. I have always believed in him.

There are people who have inspired me through their work. My teacher of shamanism, Ross Heaven, had left his well paid job in the pharmaceutical industry to pursue true healing. He taught me valuable principles while encouraging me to go with my own insights. I have not met many spiritual teachers who in no way claimed to have authority over anyone else. I am grateful to him for re-affirming what I knew to be true although I was too afraid to acknowledge it.

There are also the famous writers and musicians whose work I admire but whom I have not met. Some of them have taught that the easiest way to be an artist is to go and do it. I feel daft to admit that such an obvious statement opened doors for me, yet it is surprising how the belief that I had to earn a right to do what I wanted deterred me. Those artists whose work has truly meant something to me have taught that others can be as great as they are.

None of the people who inspired me are perfect. All of them are admirable because they have given a unique gift. Inspiring people can be found anywhere, regardless of fortune or education. The challenge, I believe, is using what one has to create a life that is worthwhile. I am hoping that I could learn from these fantastic examples to also bring inspiration to others.

Producing Scarcity

In the world of western civilisation, most of our efforts seem to revolve around scarcity. The main concern is money, and while we spend all our time trying to make more of it, we lose time to enjoy the things we would like to spend money on. I read somewhere that Nelson Mandela said that poverty is man-made. I couldn’t agree more. I find it ironic that two of the world’s biggest problems are poverty and waste, because they express the polar opposites of lack on one hand and ill-used abundance on the other. I see the world we build as a reflection of ourselves. I wonder if the global waste problem would be solved if we would learn how to use what we had in the proper way. Free energy is another main concern, but I doubt that it would be discovered unless we stopped wasting our own personal energy on unimportant matters, producing the need for more.

I have never truly known scarcity, yet it took me more than a decade to let go of my conditioning around the idea that there might not be enough unless I clung to a predictable income that kept me imprisoned. The idea of scarcity can provide a safety net. It was easier for me to devote my efforts to staying alive than to put my heart on the line and risk failure. As long as I participated in a belief system that everyone else participated in, I could excuse myself for being frustrated because, as I told myself, I was doing what I had to do. It was the world that was set up in that way, not me. In that position I could take advice from well-meaning loved ones with more life experience than me rather than take a stand for what I wanted. Dealing with being told what to do was easier than facing the possibility of hearing “I told you so”. But the problem with taking advice from more experienced individuals was that they had more experience of being them, but zero experience of being me.

When the safety of scarcity falls away, the abundance of time and energy can be daunting. I am currently unemployed and writing fiction. While I was employed or studying, I would face a day ahead of me trying to be positive but knowing that I would be frustrated a lot of the time. I was caught in a cycle of looking forward to evenings, weekends and holidays, wondering why my life was flying by. Now that frustrations are limited, I have days ahead of me that I need to fill with something worthwhile. With most of the ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ out of the way, my choices come down to building on what is important to me or doing something else. Doing what I love is ambivalent precisely because I feel happy doing it. Negative reactions from others in response to my authentic work and beliefs are much harder to deal with than when I don’t care about what I am busy with. When I have a creative block, I realise that the fear of not having enough is just a mask for the fear of not being good enough.

Now that my resources are limited, I have to rely on others for help where I can. This is also frightening, because I would rather submit my creative writing work to professionals for editing than baring my soul to friends who could help me. If those who work in the industry don’t like my work, I could put it down to their opinions knowing that they would forget my work. The idea of people I have relationships with thinking I would be better off not trying at all is terrifying. But opening up is necessary, because I cannot do anything on my own and I would not be able to find the right support unless I am true to who I am. For all I know, a person who could help me with what I need at any given point could be sitting right next to me and I would not know it unless I am open.

Creativity is unlimited, as is love. I don’t believe that either of these could truly be destroyed, but they often go into hiding when not received with grace. More of ourselves – our creative loving source – would produce the need for sharing and solve the problem of scarcity. The difficulty lies in not letting the hurts received along the way hinder us in expressing who we are.

The Question of Passion

Passion seems to be the new buzzword in the career world. Either it is presented as the solution to problems (once you find your passion, your working experience will change) or it becomes an ideal that people strive for (you’re lucky or competent if you are passionate about your job). I’m not sure I buy the idea of passion for one’s job. I went for a job interview with a website company a while ago and was asked whether I am passionate about web. I had resolved to be as honest as possible during the interview, because I did not want to land a job where I was expected to be something that wasn’t me. With that in mind, I answered that I would not say that I’m passionate about web. If I could say I’m passionate about anything in business, it would be customer service. I did not get the job. One of the reasons provided in the feedback was my lack of passion for web.

To me true passion involves doing something for the sake of it. In a world where the concept of career more or less revolves around making money, I have trouble reconciling the idea of passion with the profit motive. From my perspective, the worlds of business and even education are imbalanced and fear-driven. Passion brings more of everything and dissolves boundaries. When people are motivated to work by their need for survival, I cannot see how passion should be the basis for that kind of exchange. When negotiating job offers of relatively low salary levels, I sometimes wish employers would be more realistic. True passion dissolves the need to have more than what is needed, which from my perspective would shatter the profit motive and change business as we know it.

Passion does not always involve strong feelings. It is unlocked when everything else falls away, the spark of life that keeps one going despite all the odds. Passion does not ask questions, it simply does. I envision it as a violet flame that keeps burning even when it appears invisible or feels out of reach when one has been knocked down by life and its disappointments. Passion does not revolve around what one does; rather, it is a way of doing things that transforms everything one comes into contact with. It does not need anything other than itself to keep going. Passion starts from the heart, burns upwards and flows downwards, connecting spiritual purpose to the shoes we walk in in this lifetime. It does not depend on any exterior form of acknowledgement, because it creates a way when one is not found. When true passion is unlocked, it ignites the same light in everything and everyone it encounters.

I don’t think anyone needs to be passionate about anything in order to be whole and happy, especially not career-wise. Passion cannot be sought or obtained. The flame of passion simply needs to be allowed to burn and applied to everything we do. In this way, I believe that every person can be guided towards the purpose they were born for. When we have fallen out of balance with what was originally natural for us, restoring the balance in how we approach things would inevitably lead us back to what we enjoy doing most.

Inner Child and the Sycamore Tree

A while ago I received a general circulation email from someone that I would describe as a light worker. She talked about the importance of honouring the inner child. I usually read emails from other healers/teachers with keen interest because of the helpful views that I often find. However, this time I dismissed the email thinking that I had been there, done that. At a stage when I was excited about upcoming projects but also uncertain and afraid, I felt that I could do with something that would give me courage to make it work and/or practical advice. The last thing I wanted to look at was my emotional well-being, since I believed that I had done enough of it and it was now time for action. Of course, the spirits knew better. I was given what I needed before I knew that I needed it.

As I was preparing to rest before action, some old wounds resurfaced and I found myself in the midst of emotional upheaval. Usually when this happens, I feel worse because I have not mastered the lesson from the last time I dealt with the issue. Few things can be as frustrating as going over the same emotional ground when it feels so unnecessary. My self-talk easily becomes negative and I feel out of control as far as avoiding the same experience in future goes. Burdened with my troubles and afraid that I might feel too vulnerable to put my plans into action, I sought solace under a Sycamore tree.

Tree Medicine:
One of the Oldest Forms of Therapy

A queenly figure, she folded me in her arms. Soon, the noise and busy-ness of the world faded out and I was wrapped in comfort. The gateway to the place within where I access information of the soul opened up and the tree showed me what I needed to heal. I saw people bearing crosses, the kind that one would associate with the Biblical notion of a broken world. I was then taken to an image of a place and events in my childhood. From the perspective in my journey it looked to me like my child self was completely in her own world, unaware of the pain of the grown-ups around her. The message I received was that there is indeed a lot of healing to be done. Patterns of behaviour that bring about pain are passed on from generation to generation and the person who changes it needs only heal the self. In my journey, I could see that the grown-ups around me were sad and fragmented despite their appearance of being in control. To free the child from these patterns, I had to give love and happiness to her no matter what the actions of others. The vision reminded me that people I felt had hurt me in the past had always done their best. To break cycles of pain and anger because of what loved ones could not give me, I had to be kind to myself. In that way I would be more compassionate to others and less critical of their best efforts.

The challenge has been set. Being kind to myself is harder than I expected. A friend I recently met gave me two helpful views. He said: “When you’re ready is none of your business” and “The road to recovery is best taken one day at a time”. While his situation is different from mine, I could definitely use these principles. Since I would like to move away from the need to control everything, I realise that I need to slow down the haste with which I want to make everything work. Moving out of overdrive forces me to deal with the fear that I will not bring myself so far as to do anything worthwhile unless I am hard on myself. I need to remember to bring love to what I do in each day and accept my feelings. If I am too insistent on setting goals and seeing results, I would only perpetuate the performance driven mind-set that I have set out to abandon. The resulting anxiety is best taken with a good measure of kindness and trust.

**With thanks to the Sycamore tree and the people who told me what I needed to hear.

Transformation and the Butterfly

I was introduced to the Rorschach inkblot test during a session with a therapist many years ago. The inkblots are a test of projection in Western psychology used to determine aspects of a patient’s personality. Deviating from its traditional use, the therapist asked me to describe what I saw in each inkblot. She gave me feedback on my internal processes based on the general meaning associated with each card. Looking at one of these cards, I said that I saw a bat. A few seconds later I said that it looked more like a butterfly. She said that my projections reflected aspects of night and day. In working through my darkness, I transformed it into something beautiful. Unsurprisingly, the butterfly again showed up in a reading of Native American medicine cards which someone did for me a few years later. In Native American language, the butterfly offers medicine of transformation.

The stages in the life cycle of a butterfly (egg, caterpillar, pupa and butterfly) show that each form or aspect is appropriate at the time. Only when the time is right will the butterfly change its form – the process cannot be rushed. The caterpillar is already a butterfly at its core (although not yet in form) and the butterfly has the caterpillar in its memory. There is no reason to believe that the butterfly is the ideal or the end goal, because each stage offers the organism what it needs to survive and be itself. Butterfly medicine teaches that when we think of our future dreams, we might want to remember that we are the dream. In continuing on our personal life path, we will reach a stage of full maturity and bright colours. The dream has been planted in our hearts in the same way that the life cycle of the butterfly is programmed into the organism inside the egg. The former versions of ourselves stay inside us as a reminder of the path we have walked and the experience gained.

Possibly the most interesting stage in the life cycle of the butterfly is the pupa. In this stage, the organism transforms inside a protective shell, although no change is visible from the outside. In terms of butterfly medicine applied to personal transformation, this is the often painful and confusing time when inner work has to be done. It may feel like nothing is changing in our outside reality and it could be a time of great frustration if we want to rush the process. In truth it is a time when we are preparing for a more mature phase of existence where our colours and brightness will be on display. We may feel stuck and impatient, but in this stage a protective shell is necessary until we are ready to emerge in a different aspect of ourselves. This can be a time of darkness and confusion, but once the transformation is complete, the shell that provided the darkness becomes waste material that can be cast off. On the other side of darkness, the shell material can be seen to have been an important part of the process even if it is no longer needed. The bits that have been discarded merge with the flow of nature, where it becomes compost for another cycle of life.

Of course we are humans, and our lives are infinitely complicated by the fact that we have brains, egos and conflicting desires. But we can still learn from the wisdom in nature, and butterfly medicine shows the importance of consciously participating in our own transformation while being kind to ourselves through our darkness. The message here is to accept that change will happen when we are ready. Each phase of our journey can be appreciated as a vital part of the whole.