Embracing the Unknown

Something interesting happens when we set out in search of truth. At first we discover that we think differently to the rest of the world. When we are in conflict with the world, it’s quite hard to figure out who is right and who is wrong. I don’t mean this in the judgemental sense of the word, but rather who is closer to the truth. I find that when my views are very different from the rest of the world and I feel conflicted about it, I oscillate between thinking that I am for sure right on one hand or on the other that I am completely clueless and the world has to be right.

If I look closely at my need to be right, it looks like I have to justify the path I have chosen by proving that my way is better. Thinking of it that way, it seems to me that I don’t have faith in my chosen path. It’s when I take another step back that I realise it’s perfectly OK to be uncertain, to feel down at times or to get stuck occasionally. The further I go, the more I realise that I’m not here to master anything but rather to be myself and live my life. Moving to wholeness is about accepting the light and the darkness within me, not about denying an aspect of myself that would re-surface somewhere else. It’s in the imperfect moments that the door opens for love to flow in and shed some light.

The magic most often happens when I’m at a dead end. I embarked on the path that I’m on in an effort to seek healing for myself and others. Yet in some way it feels that I didn’t have much of a choice – the pull from my subconscious mind to live authentically was too strong. I started out thinking that I would, as so many others who have gone before me, get to a place where I am better, more whole, more in control. The truth is that as I move along, I am faced with more uncertainty. The closer I come to the “truth”, the more often I am confronted with the void of meaninglessness and existential despair. Far from being more sorted out than when I started, I have come to accept the fact that I will never “get there”. Because of that, I have a greater appreciation of the small things in life. Accepting my human struggles brings me closer to the in between space where happiness comes from, the space of nothingness where the Universe truly communicates with me.

Acknowledging that one doesn’t know is the place where miracles are born. It is the point at which one is ready to experience something new. It is in the moments we don’t understand that our eyes really open up to the wonder of the universe, enabling us to experience life as a blessing.

Choose Your Game Wisely

People who embark on the path of self-discovery realise at some point that there is nothing to master in life, nothing to “get right”, nothing to be better than what you already are. It often takes a crisis to shake someone out of their state of sleep-walking. When travellers on this path start waking up, there is no turning back really. The subconscious mind was one step ahead of the conscious and wanted to move to a new level before the ego was willing to let go of old structures of meaning.

Moving beyond the standards of the world is an interesting process. It is very liberating yet it can cause a lot of anxiety. It is the point where one realises that it is up to oneself to create meaning in life and define oneself. Nobody is responsible for the choices that you make and the experiences that you have but you. It doesn’t mean that all experiences have to be good and if they are not then you have failed in some way. It also doesn’t mean that you have to stop making mistakes or else you’ll be in trouble. What it means is that ultimately you and Life are alone in a sacred dance. There will be actors on your stage but ultimately it’s you and Life that will determine where you’re going.

As soon as one starts to see through the games the world play, the temptation is there to want to throw it all out the window and refuse to move because it’s all just a game anyway. But existence dictates that you have to play a game. Whether you tell the world about your own game or simply play along with everyone else’s is up to you to decide. The true poets/artists/warriors will be tortured by their dreams until they have no choice but to live the life they were born to live, or die trying. In the end the important thing is not whether one is successful but whether one has the courage to give it a go.

When you listen to Life it will tell you which path is the best one for you to take. Since you have to play a game anyway, you might as well be the best player you can be. It’s not about winning – you are the one who makes the rules anyway. It’s about being the lead actor on your own stage and being in love with the story that you write.