Recently I have been finding it increasingly hard to reconcile
the world in my dreams with the world that I actually live in. The material
world just seems too demanding and no matter how focused I am or carefully I plan,
I cannot keep up. There are many who offer opportunities, but the premise is
always that the competition is really strong so you have to be truly
exceptional to “get in”. The world seems to be a place where everyone is really
stressed out having to fight exceedingly hard to get a piece of a cake that is
getting ever smaller.
Although the promises of success, opportunity and being one
of a selected few outstanding individuals are alluring, I feel that it’s too
draining to try for ever being better than I am. It feels like the harder I try
to meet expectations, the more inadequate I feel. The satisfaction that comes
from achieving goals hard worked for is always fleeting and somewhat empty. But
although I would rather turn to the world in my dreams, it doesn’t exist to
everyone. I feel fragmented trying to keep up with the material reality whilst
at the same time remaining in touch with my soul.
Last night I meditated on my feelings, asking for guidance
that would be useful. I went through different visions but will share what I
feel is relevant. At some point I reached a place of nothingness where
everything was white. I hit a barrier that I felt although I couldn’t see it.
The guiding spirit that was with me continued past the barrier but I couldn’t
move on. I hung suspended in the whiteness with the universe holding me although
there was nothing else. To me the barrier is symbolic – the point where the old
way of doing things can no longer work. When it is reached, everything falls
away, including old identities and structures of meaning. Yet the universe is
there to hold us while the way is paved for something new. There are forces stronger
than us and although it cannot be seen, it can be felt.
Next thing I was led to a place where I walked onto a stage.
The spotlight was on me and I had an audience. I was told that all eyes are on
me and the world is waiting to hear what I have to say. They would listen to me,
so what would I tell them? I walked forward and said with conviction, “Be the
joy that you are. Do what you love. It’s the love that is important, so
cultivate it.”
Then I was asked: if you have to take your own advice, how
would you live differently? I thought about it and said that I would probably
be less afraid to love. I would let go of expectations of the way in which love
should play out. I would also care less about having been hurt before because
if I can still love then it doesn’t matter. I would be quicker to forgive. The
thought occurred to me that whatever is going on around me is perfectly fine
because the details are unimportant. The important thing is that I love.
In my spiritual search I keep returning to the same place.
The world in my dreams is about love whereas the reality I know is based on a
strange kind of order that doesn’t actually work. This morning it occurred to
me that as clueless as I often feel, maybe I have been making the right
decisions all along. Maybe I am not naïve in thinking that bringing your
authentic self to the world is closer to the target than for ever being at the
mercy of the material world. It doesn’t take a genius to see that the old
reality is collapsing and that we have to create something better. Perhaps the
destruction of the fear based reality is the natural order of things and
whatever follows will be better and more substantial. I’m hoping it could mean
that humanity is waking up to the fact that love and joy are the natural state.
That is what it’s there for – to help us stay on our true path.
A great deal of trust is required to embrace a world that
the eyes cannot yet see. The challenge for me would be following my own advice
when the world is begging me to do the opposite.
I would like to hear your thoughts. If you have one chance
to have the world’s attention and everyone is willing to hear you out, what
would you tell them? What would you do differently if you followed your own
advice? Please comment or send me a message to let me know.
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